a waste of time" -F.Fellini
i can't wait till last night becomes a distant memory. something that i felt this morning has woken me up. i hope to learn my lessons. i tend to dramatize and fix my thoughts on things.
i am truly and sincerely wanting to be true to the person i love. i want to give up a certain lifestyle entirely. it has come gradually and now it's solid. i want to risk changing. i want to give my heart entirely to the person i have been with for the past 18months.
that's it: Alice is chosing a path, hopefully a righteous one.
i'm not sure if you read my blog, but i love you. yes, yes, YES i do. i feel i now know for sure what i want. i want to let go and love you. by that i mean i will start thinking about your feelings before acting.
i've decided that last night was last night, nothing can change that. but today is new and true.
i'm feeling sadness, disgust and hurting mixed with relief, joy and strength.
don't want to fall in the cycle of dwelling and feeling sorry for myself. i shall act. yes, to prove by actions rather than words; to compensate spriritually. then i shall have a shower and 'wash' away the dirty feelings and cleanse myself. before i sleep tonight i shall pray and be grateful and ask for more enlightenment.
I LOVE YOU UKWUR* and I WILL SHOW YOU.
*u - know - who - u - r